It has been a while since I really felt the need to write. But while I haven't written here, there has been so much life happening that it has been difficult to know which way my mind was headed.
Life in COVID times, this YEAR, seemed to take a life of its own. With so much happening, it has felt like a precarious situation when you feel there is more happening to you from external sources, than things that you've had some choice over. I suppose I should almost be used to it, especially after the last two years.
Nonetheless, what with people at work leaving, my child and I catching COVID, and the usual craziness of midwinter COVID season, I've been a reluctant writer, afraid to breathe - in case it should lead to more chaos and change and disruption. This has been the mental load of most people in Melbourne in the last six months, on top of all the exhausting adaptation that we have all had to deal with in the last two years.
While I accept that perhaps almost everything has been written about COVID and acknowledge that millions of people have caught this dreaded disease before me, millions who have been gravely ill and died - and for this I recognise - I suppose I didn't (really) know how I would feel if or when I caught it.
But now, l do.
Like much of Melbourne, AFTER two years of extended isolation, when I finally got this dreaded illness, it was a bit surreal at first, followed by the sickening grind of fear and darkness in the middle of winter. It is a SLOG to get through this illness and even more when it is the pandemic illness. Almost like a mark of our time, it probably still took about a month for me to actually feel normal again.
And after many, many colds during the last two years, COVID for me, actually felt like the grand-daddy of colds.
I suppose in one way, I should be strangely grateful for the endless colds and flus my boy brought home from childcare because it did kind of train us to have the immune system ready for another cold. And I wonder how others managed and I was incredibly grateful for each and every vaccination that we got (three in my case, plus one flu too).
While I am not one to ponder too much about the dreaded length of recovering (and the way I seem to have coughed for no reason for almost six weeks afterwards), I am starting to feel like myself again - older maybe - more wrecked than before maybe - but also more gritty and determined than before.
More determined to work hard. More able to see the start of things again. More determined to see the spring and live through the problems of winter.
And more determined than before, and for this I am indeed more grateful.
Another day to say - CARPE DIEM.